In bed, eating and writing.

Uh huh.  Sara here.  We've watched The Princess and The Frog about 800 times in 3 days.  I have not showered.  I DID color my hair and paint my nails this weekend. That's where the lam ends, unfortunately.  My hair riht now is an awesome train wreck of bed head and probably lint.

Ugh. It's a good thing we rarely go on play dates.  Someone would institutionalize me.

I've done it....I've let myself go

It hit me on Monday - I've let myself go! I had an inkling that this did happen around November, but on Monday it was no longer an inkling.

On Monday we had a play date at a local park, I actually took initiative and got out of my workout clothes and into some decent clothes. Let's back up....in November I decided I would never lose the weight I gained with my last pregnancy, so therefore I gave away all of my clothes that were not fitting me that day, most of those being summer clothes. Well, lo and behold here I am in the size of the clothes that I gave away - 10 13 gallon bags of clothes I just gave away. So now I have two summer shirts and one pair of shorts. I wore my black bermuda shorts, an ivory sleevless shirt over a grey layering tank, of course I wore my flip flops. I even took my hair out of it's signature sad pony tail and put a head band in. As I was driving to the park, I reached down to scratch my leg and realized "way to go Bec, you didn't shave your legs" so I felt like a real loser. At the park I shared my woes with my girlfriends, they all laughed, but I think it was a pity laugh. One mom there was so cute in her Nike running shorts, matching t-shirt, and matching cap, she works at a gym so you can imagine what her body is like even though she has three kids. She told me I looked cute and that she looked homeless...my thought was, "uh-yeah, maybe I should start looking homeless". After hours at the park, we went home, on the way home I smelled something pretty rank - right in the area of saurerkraut...that's when I realized I didn't put on deodorant. Yeah - I've let myself go.

Yesterday, I stayed home all day and actually went from my pajamas to, yes you guessed it, my workout clothes. This is getting sad. My husband is even questioning my clothing choices, encouraging me to brush my hair, and telling me to bathe. My four year old questions now why I am putting on make-up, it used to be a part of daily life for me to put on make up and do something with myself.

I've been thinking, what in the heck are the reasons I've let myself go:
1. I'm the only girl in my houeshold, nobody tells me when I look cute or downright wretched.
2. I don't have time to get cute and take care of myself
3. I go to the gym at 4 am every day, I don't much feel like getting pretty after I have sweated for two hours first thing in the morning
4. I just had a baby -- okay I need to stop using this excuse, my baby is almost a year old
5. I don't have cute clothes

So - as you can see, I have a arsenal of excuses as to why I can't take care of myself. Then I thought about how I used to feel when I did take care of myself and my reasons that I did do it, and came up with this list:
1. I feel more confident when I am dressed and have make up on
2. I deserve to do nice things for myself
3. I am the only girl in my household, I should be super-feminine to couteract the testosterone
4. I want other moms to admire me (hee hee, you know you think that as well)
5. I'm only at this age and this season in my life once, I might as well make it pretty
6. I just feel good when I look good

There, I finally admitted it, I have let myself go.

Now I need to get off my workout gear clad rump, look at my fashion magazines, make a game plan, and become a girl again!

xoxo,
Rebecca

Step One: Admitting You've Let Yourself Go.

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Oh today has been a rough one.  Poor baby Owen is at a pinnacle of grossness- teething, drooling nonstop, blow out after diaper blow out, spitting food everywhere.  It's been a day.  It's also raining, sloppy, and miserable outside.  So do I look like I stepped out of the pages of J.Crew today?   Nope.  I did attempt earlier.  even though I knew I would only be at home, hanging out with Owen, cooking, cleaning, and writing- I threw on some comfy but cute jeans, a new camisole, and a cute zip up fleece.  I did the hair, spritzed some perfume, and got some concealer and mascara on.  Life was looking okay.

Then, all the grossness happened, and the second my husband got home, I raced through the house for some yoga pants and one of his big tshirts.  Now, I'm writing in bed, looking less like a fashionably comfy mama nd more like a professional lifer college student.  So, there in comes the question, "Why get dressed 'up' to be at home?"  It's a perfectly acceptable one too.  It's just that f I don't put SOME modicum of effort nto myself for the day, I am less likely to get anything done.  Some gals can clean, cook, work, play with the kiddos, etc., all in their pjs. 

I just slog through the day, galumphing from the bed to the couch in hopes of more Oreos and a Lifetime movie.  So, even if I m just casually dressed- say yoga pants and a tank, and a hoodie, I do need to get.dressed.daily or else I just end up in that black hole where a week later I ask myself when the last time I brushed my teeth was.  To me, just rolling out of bed and attempting the day is letting myself go.

I believe a lot of women feel this way but we get stuck in the "Why bother" rut?  Then there's the social pressure of "If you're just at home, why bother? You look fine!"  I'm lucky to have one of those husbands who thinks my bedhead and unbrushed teeth are just as cute as a little black dress and stilletos.  But it's the same argument we have with those people who don't "think you need to workout" and such- it's for me!

As a mom, a wife, a writer, an adult, I just have so little time that I devote to myself.  There's this pressure that everything should be about everyone else, but really, you have to fit you in there too.  Ten years down the road, I don't want to be the mom who never took pics with my kids because I was just unkempt or think "I wish I would have . . . "

There are some who even argue that conforming to a look or even just caring is anti-feminist.  I find that to be really baffling.  Since when is taking time for me to feel better about me, as a woman and a person, is part of my personal definition of feminism and also femininity.  I would rather be the mom who cared enough to put on some blush and a cute top than the woman who looks like she emerged from a black hole when you see me at the grocery store.

Admitting that you've let yourself go is hard and it comes in stages.  I'll have those fired up days where I get myself all together, then I have "one of those weeks" where at the end of it, I realize I wore the same shirt for three days.  So it takes a constant low grade level of alertness and a personal definition of what your minimums and maximums are of getting yourself put together.  You have to set standards in every other area of your life, and personal maintenance is not to be ignored.

From what I've seen in my own life, everyone benefits when I try with myself a little bit more.  Because I took fifteen minutes this morning, I got far more done than I have other mornings where all I do is wander around in pj's wondering what to do.  Sure, I had to change clothes and now I'm back in comfy pj-like stuff, but I'm still working away because of that extra bit of effort I gave myself this morning.

So, as part of step one, I'm embarking on a little creative exercise.  Outlining what my own minimums and maximums are.  What I need to be productive, comfortable, and pulled together every day.  I came up with the idea a couple days ago to start setting my alarm about fifteen to thirty minutes before everyone else gets up.  During these few minutes, I brew my coffee, hop in the shower, and get dressed for the day for me.  Then when everyone else is up, I can set about the rest of the day with a bit of extra spring in my step.  There is really no reason why I shouldn't care just as much about my own grooming as that of my kids.

So now that I've admitted I have let myself go in two blogs, now I need to focus on what I need to get back to being me.  The fifteen minutes is a start, but like I said, I also need to hash out what will be my "standards".  Join me so we can all get back to feeling fab again.

Signing off-

Sara Rose

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Ask me anything http://formspring.me/chatterboxsara

Meet Sara!

Hi!  I'm Sara Rose and I author about a million other blogs and things.  I never have time to myself and it makes me want to tear my hair out.  But I used to be devoted to looking . . . . at least sane.  Now, not so much.  I've got two kids- a 4 year old E. and a 9 month old O.- and they are time consuming.  I'm a SAHM, a writer, a feminist, and all around fairly certain I have let myself go.

I don't shy away from a dress and heels, but my own style definitely leans more towards femi-boho-chic.  I like cozy knits, cute flats, and simple skirts that go with everything from a tshirt and cardi to a blouse.  I also love trouser jeans.  I love doing my hair/makeup/nails and keeping myself healthy.

After several recent huge bouts of illness and just L-I-F-E, I realized, Oh my GAWSH, I don't even look like me anymore.  All I seemed to do was switch from sweats and tees to other sweats and tees.  It's not even remotely cute.  Then I reminded myself that I haven't been feeling that great about ME and it was like  light went off in my head.

Rebecca and I go way back to high school but we only recently reunited as friends, say about two years ago.  We both love fashion, being moms, and being positive, so we wanted to put something out there that said "It's OKAY to want to look good for you!  It's okay for your kids to see you looking fab once in a while!"  neither of us iis advocating you overhaul yourself into something you don't even recognize, just someone you can smile at in the mirror everyday and go about the day with a spring in your step.

We realize no mom has a ton of time to herself.  Rebecca and I both work from home, are SAHM's, and we both home school. We have husbands with demanding jobs and busy lives.  So we know how hard it can be.  We've also both been on various places of the financial spectrum, so we're not going to be the ones to tell you to spend a fortune.  But we want you to look good. FOR YOU.

Reese Witherspoon is a mom I admire.  We're both self-admitted Type A's but she seems to really balance the whole feminine-comfy-yet-chic looks I am always trying to emulate.

Rebecca and I decided to embark on a 12 step program to get back to feeling fab.  So join in the fun too!


xoxo-

Sara Rose

Meet Rebecca!

 (Jessica Alba & Victoria Beckham are Hot Mamas I admire!)

I remember growing up seeing various moms come and go from school and sporting events.  As an almost thirty year old stay at home mom of two sons, I see the same women, but in my own social circles.

-There are the moms that are obviously fashionably fit.  They go to the gym while their kids are at school, wearing the name brand workout clothes with matching gear, and hair in the cutest peppy pony tail.

-Moms that drop their kids off wearing the newest blouse that Banana Republic has come out with, skinny jeans, and stilettos or cute flats.

-Then you have the moms that are somewhere in between - jeans, tennis shoes, and a t-shirts.

-And finally, you have the moms that look like they just rolled out of bed and took their kids to school in their pajamas.

Growing up I focused on the first two moms.  The ones who looked like they had it all together, kids didn't change them, just made them better.  As an adult I still look at those moms with total admiration and question if they have a nanny, personal stylist, or if they just take time for themselves?  I'm finding myself precariously close to the edge of the last mom...the one who looks as if they just don't care. This is not something that happened with planning. But rather, it happened over a period of time.

It came to my attention last night as I changed from one set of workout clothes to a different set to go out and justified it by saying the workout pants (which are actually scrub pants) were black so they were dressy.  This made me panic when I realized what has happened to me.  I quickly contacted two of my girlfriends and they are helping me get back to the cute fashion forward mom I really am under the look of laziness and not caring.

More soon!

xoxo-
Rebecca